No More Twinkies: P&Q Reacts
November 16, 2012All the Twinkies you can eat, and Woody Woodpecker cartoons 24 hours a day.
~Murdock, describing his idea of heaven
If I didn’t believe the dire 2012 predictions before now, I’m starting to: the iconic Hostess Brands, makers of the gloriously American sugar-loaded goodness that is Twinkies, is going out of business.
I’m upset about this, of course (although admittedly I’m more of a Sno-Balls fan) for several reasons. Firstly, when and if a zombie apocalypse arrives, I’m not only going to have to fight off the undead, but an even angrier Tallahassee looking for Earth’s last cream-filled pastries. In addition, I’m going to have to stock my nuclear shelter with Little Debbie snack cakes, which, quite frankly, is not the same. And then there’s the matter of breaking the news to the site mascot who, I hate to say it, is a huge Twinkies nut. He may commit suicide just so he can make it to an afterlife with an ample supply of golden sponge cakes.
Thus, to cope with the potentially traumatic loss of Twinkiedom, we at P&Q have developed a plan.
#1. Go out…right now…and buy all the Twinkies you can find at a reasonable price. Set them aside the way you would a fine wine.
#2. Don’t hoard them. Eat one or two right away in mourning if you must. Have a party with your friends and re-live all your favorite Hostess Brands memories, including the time you dared your brother to eat a Twinkie with a cockroach in it.
#3. Pray that someone else…not in China…takes up the mantle. You know, how like different people become the Dread Pirate Roberts. Those are some big cream-filled shoes to fill.
#4. Go through the 7 Stages of [Twinkie] Grief:
Shock and Denial over Twinkies,
Pain and Guilt over Twinkies,
Anger and Bargaining for Twinkies,
Loneliness and Reflection about Twinkies,
The Upward Turn (Twinkies Could Come Back),
Reconstruction of Twinkies,
Acceptance and Hope…if we do not have Twinkies, though, what hope is there????
What’s your take on the Hostess closures and/or the loss of Twinkies?
If you haven’t already, be sure to send me a link to one of your best blog posts so I can include it in next week’s Giving Thanks episode!
It is like if the end of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Charlie the factory closes because Charlie Bucket caused the factory to go bankrupt, sold off the equipment and Oompa-Loompas, and then the end the stories dark and bleak.
I know, right? Though I have hope that someone will carry on the tradition of Twinkies.
If not, at least we have Dolly Madison to fall back on.
It is hard to believe the company is going under. Maybe someone will buy it.
I sincerely hope so. It just wouldn’t be America without Twinkies.
[...] No More Twinkies: P&Q Reacts (prawnandquartered.wordpress.com/) [...]
Thanks for the repost
I hate Twinkies, but I used to love the Cupcakes and Ding Dongs….I feel sad about this because I feel like a part of my childhood has died. But a funny thing is that, even before reading your blog, I had thought about Murdock, too, and his definition of the jazz! How will future generations even know what he is talking about?!
I know…it will be a sad day if Twinkies don’t go on!
Don’t be too sad folks, there is already talk of the company that owns Pabst Blue Ribbon buying out Hostess and keeping it alive. They’ve already kept one dreadfully delightful American brand going, I am sure they can with another… at least long enough to tap that hipster market again.
I certainly hope so. We need Twinkies; they’re a cornerstone of this great nation.
I went to the store Sunday morning, and the Twinkies were already gone. That Bimbo company looking at buying them is in my town though, so I’ll be close to a source.